My hand turned me down
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
