i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
