nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
