your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
