so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
