Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize