Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
