My friends, they love my intelligence
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
