Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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