Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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