I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
