A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
