How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
