I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
