I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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