this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
