I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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