i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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