What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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