We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
