We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
