I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
