We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
