my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
