Ambien. No doubt about it.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
