Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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