The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
