I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
