ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
