she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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