i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
