dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to calm my uterus...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
