First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
