I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
