So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
