sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
