I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
