so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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