absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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