TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
