I love black thongs
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
