one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize