her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
