Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
