I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
