I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
