The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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