I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
