Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
