Please, let me fuck your mom
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
