she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
