so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
