He asked to "fluff my boner.."
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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