lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
