her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
