Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
