dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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