the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
