oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
