he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
