I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He better not be in your backpack
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
