last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
