If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize