We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
