I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
